Thursday, October 29, 2009

Canadian Hunter

This is possibly the smoothest of the bottom shelf whiskeys. At a bank-breaking cost of $10, you may have to make some sacrifices to be able to purchase a bottle of this, but I guarantee that it will not be the last sacrifice you make by the time you're finished enjoying this adventure of a liquor. You will find it available in several varieties, from small plastic to standard glass,and finally to large plastic, and whichever you chose to go with, just make sure to follow the simple rule of finishing what you've started. We'll come back to that.
The presentation of this elixir is certainly a selling point. The label prominently features Tom Selleck, wrapped up for a harsh winter, shouldering a rifle, lead by a team of impressive looking sled dogs. His posture is that of one who is "not fucking around". His mustache makes manifest the masculinity held behind the label, serving as a fair warning to those who cannot deal with so manly a refreshment.
As I said before, this is a very smooth drink, and works very well straight, on the rocks, on the rocks with a bit of water, and (for those who love corn syrup) with the cola of your choosing. I've personally found that a little lime juice and Triplesec bring out an exotic spiciness that I can only assume otherwise hides behind the sled dogs. Canadian Hunter is a selfish mistress, and once opened, does not appreciate being neglected. That being said, the best way to approach a bottle is to remove the cap, discard it, and obsessively attach yourself to the bottle until you've gleaned all the sweet sweet poison from it. However, this may result in some unpredictable situations, even for the seasoned Whiskier.
After a good night hunting, you may wake up feeling like someone has surgically implanted a rusty shard of metal in the middle of your brain. This is normal. Not to bog you down with science, but you've essentially soaked you brain in Canadian Hunter, and the throbbing ache you're experiencing is simply the terrifying panic going on inside your body, like a mother coming home to a house filled with rabid bears devouring her loved ones. Calm your inside places back down the same way you'd calm a mother down in this situation: Brew some coffee that is capable of cleaning engines, and pour a good amount of whiskey into the second cup.

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